Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
