Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Randomize
