me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
