I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I could have mohawked her pubes.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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