I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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