it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I will be naked everywhere
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
