I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.