Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there