So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth