New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
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I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
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I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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