An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
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she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
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They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.