I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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