It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
