do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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