Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
