im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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