Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
