actually, I'm a sock model
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
