if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
