I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
