My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
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I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
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I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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