Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
This couple is walking their pig around campus
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
