What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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