when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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