Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
