just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize