why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
