I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
