Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
did i walk over a car last night?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.