You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
