forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.