I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.