Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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