Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize