respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
