you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
