Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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