how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
