you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
