Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
