im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
