Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
