He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
