ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
