White coat. Heels.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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