i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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