Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I forget how to act sober
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