i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
