I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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