you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
