Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
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