I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
