ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
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