So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Oh god it's open bar.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
