guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
