he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
