I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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