Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
