You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
