There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
