she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Is Oprah even human
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
