An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
we're making bets on your personal life
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
