I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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