Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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