Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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