Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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