i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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