I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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