Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
