i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
this hospital has no fireball
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
