You can't motorboat a personality
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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