How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
