I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Randomize
